Well, as you can see by my profile, I am a married almost 35 year old woman. My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but we have been together for almost 19 years (high school sweethearts). We are still very much in love and are sort of trying to have kids. We were both a lot more ready about three years ago, but I was in a car accident with a local on duty Sheriff's deputy. I was stopped at a red light, and he full on rear ended me. To add insult to injury, it was my 32nd birthday and I had just picked up Italian food for my birthday dinner, which was quickly all over my car. Unfortunately, the accident cause me a lot of problems with my back, arms, legs, and hips. Because it was diagnosed as fibromyalgia, it's been very difficult getting doctors that will treat correctly for it because many people still consider it a hypochondriac's disease, which it is not. But, in the last two months, I have been having some pretty severe abdominal pain, spent a weekend in the hospital, got sent home with nothing really having been done but a barrage of tests that didn't really prove anything. Since that visit, I have dropped another 15 pounds in a month's time (over 45 total since January) and so I was scheduled for gallbladder surgery a month ago. I didn't have any gallstones, but the gallbladder did have some polyps. One month later, that pain is back with a vengance. I mostly can only eat soup and plain white rice, which even those can cause me a lot of pain, too. I have a sneaky feeling this might be another one of those things they'll find in me without a true diagnosis, much like my 24/7 migraines I've had for 15 years. I'm going back to a doctor Wednesday. We'll see how that goes.
My husband works for the local Sheriff's department, he has a great job that he loves most of the time. He has been wonderful taking care of me while I've been recovering from surgery, which I feel bad for because he works 10 hour days and then comes home to have to make his own dinner and do dishes, etc, and many times, make me dinner. I have no appetite, so I fight off eating most of the day until he starts getting so upset with about not eating.
My parents are still alive and live locally to me. I love them dearly, but they drive me up a serious wall. Dad is 78 years old and mom is 66, but you'd swear she was 92 most days. She has a ton of medical problems and the medicines have turned her into a weak, frail pain in the butt. Dad is from Yugoslavia (Croatia) and is very much old school, and has the old school temper to go with it.
I have one younger sister. She exactly two years younger than me to the day. We were both born two days after Christmas. We are quite opposite in tons of ways. In some ways, we look a bit alike, but that is where the similarities end. She has moved across the US to North Carolina, but she is very monitarily and materialy focused (yup, a snob), and if you know anything about Charleston, SC, she would love to only live there if she could be an SOB or even an SNOB. She has a habit of taking other people's lives and telling them how they should live it. I had a good heart to heart talk with her about this some months back, and I thought we were better for it, but she seems to be going back again, only now it's she could care less about my life, only to brag to about how she's working so hard on her sister-in-laws life, and that she's just the best sis-in-law extrodinaire ever. Whatever. And it sucks because I really do miss yer and her husband a lot. They can be fun to be around.
Prior to my accident, I worked for a large local health system in the billing office and then doing radiology scheduling and referrals. I do miss the work, but do not miss the pain of sitting at a desk all day.
Well, it's very late, so I suppose I need to try and go to bed. Why is it that insomnia seems to be the only friend willing to be there for me at all times?
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
My friendship dilemma
Well, here I am, making a blog in a strange place, for strangers to see. To afraid to do it on my MySpace blog. Don't really care for my husband to see it. Not that I really have anything to hide from him, but more because if he reads it, he gets all sad and wants to fix me. Which I commend him for, but there are just some things and feeling that aren't his responsibility to fix, and they just lead to arguments and crying.
About three years ago, we met our friend Hiedi. The three of us became fast close friends. Spent all of the time together, until she moved back in with her partner. That of course and as expected, went south within months of her moving back in, but took her almost a year and a half to finally make the move. I have been out of work for almost three years due to injuries suffered in an auto accident and damaged my back. When Hiedi was ready to start her new life, she tunred to us as her "best friends" to help her get a start on a new life as this was a very timely thing and she was a full time single mom with a full time job. So, my husband and I agreed after some extensive talking, to go ahead and loan her the initial $1500 to rent a place, get some furntiture, and so on. In the meantime, I found the perfect house to rent, very close to a school for her son and very close to her work. After that, I was asked to drive around the greater metro area to pick up and mostly pay for new stuff shed buy online. We have taken her out to expensive dinners, the opera, and have taken a week out of our lives twice when her grandparents were dying and lived like 500 miles away. When she had surgery this summer, even though we had a small falling out, I was still there to see her in pre-op, hold her hand, kiss her on the head, and waited all day with her mom, dad, and one sister that bothered to show up. Her father and sister couldn't be bothered to stay, so when the surgeon came out to talk to us, I talked to him to get the info as her mom would not understand it. I then stayed at the hospital with her until 9pm (over 12 hours). When she was finally getting discharged, I had cut roses from my garden and left them in a vase on her coffee table for when she came home. And althoug both of her divorced parents were insisting on staying with her, it was my husband and myself that went to the grocery store for her and made her a large pot of soup to eat during her recovery. My husband was the one that got so stressed and cried for her when he was afraid her cancer was coming back (which it didn't).
In June, we busted her when I asked her about a random car I saw in her driveway (she lives relatively close to us, and we pass by her house on occasion). As it turned out, she had been dating someone for a month and felt she couldn't tell us for a while, even though most of her other friends already knew. As it turned out, that relationship went bust fairly quickly. But she was still being distant. I know it sounds crqazt to say this, but the three of us can EASILY tell when something is going on with the other person. We've all realized we can read each other's mannerisms VERY well, uncanny, really. So since she's been broken up with last guy, she's been getting more distant again, worse than her partner she was living with, and worse than this last guy. I knew she had someone new, and that was why she's been flaking on us even more than usual. I went into the hospital just over a month ago and was there for three days. She never called or showed up the first night, stating she fell asleep. My guess, is she was on a date. She did show up the next day, but she was there taking her dad in for tests. My husband just happened to run into her. Then I never heard from her the next day. Whatever. She invited me to go do mani/pedis a week later (the appointment she's been promising since my birthday 10 months ago) and that sucked. I felt like crap anyway, but then she got the royal treatment and more or less ignored me, and I got crappy service. She was supposed to come back later that night, nope she baled. She asked me to watch her son since he didn't have school, I said sure, altered my schedule, and the night before, because I asked what the plan was for the next morning, she decides to tell me that I wasn't needed after all. I ended up having to have surgery a month ago. My sister, who is supposed to me my other best friend, I thought, was more concerned about the presidential election than the fears I was having prior to my surgery. Hieid, my so called "Best Friend" couldn't even be bothered to call me the night before, even as little as an email saying good luck, I'll be thinking about you. NOTHING! I went into my surgery crying scared and feeling very lonely. She never even made any effort to stop by my house afterward to check on me, absolutely nothing. I feel like as soon as my money and usefulness wasn't convenient to her, she more or less dumped us.
I am truly frustrated that I'm being made to feel like I'm stupid and that my feelings are worth nothing. I am a good person, and try to be a great friend. Maybe that's the problem, maybe I just set myself up for huge letdowns. All I do know is that I will not reduce myself down to being a person that treats people like crap because those seem to be the people she lets into her life anymore. She's already shut us out of most everything. Oh wait, we do talk about selling things on eBay and Craigslist. Yep, my pen pal.
So, she and I are apparently supposed to have a talk Wednesday night (if she actually shows up) so we can get things out in the air and hopefully resolved before she comes over to ahng out on Saturday night (part of me is wondering if she's hoping Wed night gets screwed up so she can cancel Sat night). I know you bring what you think into this word and attitude is everything, but I am so riding the fence on whether I want to be friends with this person anymore.
About three years ago, we met our friend Hiedi. The three of us became fast close friends. Spent all of the time together, until she moved back in with her partner. That of course and as expected, went south within months of her moving back in, but took her almost a year and a half to finally make the move. I have been out of work for almost three years due to injuries suffered in an auto accident and damaged my back. When Hiedi was ready to start her new life, she tunred to us as her "best friends" to help her get a start on a new life as this was a very timely thing and she was a full time single mom with a full time job. So, my husband and I agreed after some extensive talking, to go ahead and loan her the initial $1500 to rent a place, get some furntiture, and so on. In the meantime, I found the perfect house to rent, very close to a school for her son and very close to her work. After that, I was asked to drive around the greater metro area to pick up and mostly pay for new stuff shed buy online. We have taken her out to expensive dinners, the opera, and have taken a week out of our lives twice when her grandparents were dying and lived like 500 miles away. When she had surgery this summer, even though we had a small falling out, I was still there to see her in pre-op, hold her hand, kiss her on the head, and waited all day with her mom, dad, and one sister that bothered to show up. Her father and sister couldn't be bothered to stay, so when the surgeon came out to talk to us, I talked to him to get the info as her mom would not understand it. I then stayed at the hospital with her until 9pm (over 12 hours). When she was finally getting discharged, I had cut roses from my garden and left them in a vase on her coffee table for when she came home. And althoug both of her divorced parents were insisting on staying with her, it was my husband and myself that went to the grocery store for her and made her a large pot of soup to eat during her recovery. My husband was the one that got so stressed and cried for her when he was afraid her cancer was coming back (which it didn't).
In June, we busted her when I asked her about a random car I saw in her driveway (she lives relatively close to us, and we pass by her house on occasion). As it turned out, she had been dating someone for a month and felt she couldn't tell us for a while, even though most of her other friends already knew. As it turned out, that relationship went bust fairly quickly. But she was still being distant. I know it sounds crqazt to say this, but the three of us can EASILY tell when something is going on with the other person. We've all realized we can read each other's mannerisms VERY well, uncanny, really. So since she's been broken up with last guy, she's been getting more distant again, worse than her partner she was living with, and worse than this last guy. I knew she had someone new, and that was why she's been flaking on us even more than usual. I went into the hospital just over a month ago and was there for three days. She never called or showed up the first night, stating she fell asleep. My guess, is she was on a date. She did show up the next day, but she was there taking her dad in for tests. My husband just happened to run into her. Then I never heard from her the next day. Whatever. She invited me to go do mani/pedis a week later (the appointment she's been promising since my birthday 10 months ago) and that sucked. I felt like crap anyway, but then she got the royal treatment and more or less ignored me, and I got crappy service. She was supposed to come back later that night, nope she baled. She asked me to watch her son since he didn't have school, I said sure, altered my schedule, and the night before, because I asked what the plan was for the next morning, she decides to tell me that I wasn't needed after all. I ended up having to have surgery a month ago. My sister, who is supposed to me my other best friend, I thought, was more concerned about the presidential election than the fears I was having prior to my surgery. Hieid, my so called "Best Friend" couldn't even be bothered to call me the night before, even as little as an email saying good luck, I'll be thinking about you. NOTHING! I went into my surgery crying scared and feeling very lonely. She never even made any effort to stop by my house afterward to check on me, absolutely nothing. I feel like as soon as my money and usefulness wasn't convenient to her, she more or less dumped us.
I am truly frustrated that I'm being made to feel like I'm stupid and that my feelings are worth nothing. I am a good person, and try to be a great friend. Maybe that's the problem, maybe I just set myself up for huge letdowns. All I do know is that I will not reduce myself down to being a person that treats people like crap because those seem to be the people she lets into her life anymore. She's already shut us out of most everything. Oh wait, we do talk about selling things on eBay and Craigslist. Yep, my pen pal.
So, she and I are apparently supposed to have a talk Wednesday night (if she actually shows up) so we can get things out in the air and hopefully resolved before she comes over to ahng out on Saturday night (part of me is wondering if she's hoping Wed night gets screwed up so she can cancel Sat night). I know you bring what you think into this word and attitude is everything, but I am so riding the fence on whether I want to be friends with this person anymore.
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